


A Short Cut to Tea and Fags

by Annariel



Series: Primeval Meets Lord of the Rings [1]
Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, Primeval
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 09:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annariel/pseuds/Annariel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An anomaly appears in an underground cave system and then something entirely unexpected falls through it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Short Cut to Tea and Fags

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fredbassett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fredbassett/gifts).



> Ryan's Special Forces Team (including Lyle) belong to fredbassett. As does Claudia's brother Nicky, who spends his time being Father Christmas once a year.

"Oh fucking hell!" Lieutenant Lyle's voice was full of irritation.

"What is it my long-legged bunting?" Lester asked as he struggled up through the squeeze. Fitness be damned, there were some things he simply shouldn't be doing at his age.

"Anomaly," said Lyle shortly.

Lester sagged quietly and wondered whether it was going to be easier to go out backwards or push on and then turn around.

The anomaly hung about ten feet up in a vast cavern under the Mendip hills. It was lunchtime before Lyle and Lester got back out of the cave system and into mobile phone range. They repaired to a nearby pub which Lester deemed the optimal place to coordinate operations over a decent pint and some steak-and-kidney pie.

It took four more hours to get the whole of Ryan's team and equipment into the cave. Lester watched them heading in and then forced himself to go back to the pub. There was little he could do at the cave mouth beyond getting cold. He was emphatically not wanted deep in the caves and Claudia was handling liaison fine at the entrance, although the thick rock made communication all but impossible.

The scientific team had all contrived to be inaccessible, one way or another, though the word was that Stephen would be there in an hour. Lester noted drily that neither Claudia, nor the military, seemed too concerned by this although their tune might change should something come out of the anomaly.

"I'll let you know the moment anything happens," Claudia reassured him as he left.

Lester made a noise between a sigh and a snort, but left her to it. He could tell Claudia was as worried about Ryan as he was about Lyle. Together they would simply feed each other's anxieties. He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring pat on the shoulder and headed back to the pub.

* * *

Inside the cavern, bright arc lamps had been placed and hooked to a generator, filling the space with harsh white light. Ryan and Lyle were circling the area, peering at the mud and earth on the cave floor. Luckily it didn't look as if anything had come through. As Finn had observed, anything that did come through an anomaly ten feet up was either going to be flying or dead once it hit the ground.

"Did Lester call you his sea cow before he left?" Ryan asked casually. Lester and Lyle's determination to exhaust the animal kingdom of all possible terms of endearment was rapidly becoming legendary.

"Stellar's sea cow, we're on extinct animals this week."

Ryan nodded and eyed the anomaly dubiously. "Let's hope your billing and cooing doesn't summon any."

"If it summons a sea cow out of that anomaly, I'll be surprised."

"I imagine the sea cow will be as well."

At that moment there was a huge roaring sound and a shape fell through the anomaly. Ryan had the vaguest glimpse of something vast and huge. It was more man-shaped than anything else, but it was far far too big to be a man and was wreathed in smoke and darkness. The special forces team all paused. 

A flaming sword stabbed out of the darkness. Kermit, who was closest, gave a cry and jumped backwards just in time as the tip of the giant blade whipped past him.

"Open fire!" Ryan ordered.

His men didn't need bidding twice. The sound of gunfire filled the cavern. There was another roar and then the creature was pounding deeper into the caves, breaking off chunks of rock as it went and leaving a thick choking fog behind it.

"Form up!" Ryan started shouting when a second figure fell though the anomaly.

This one was smaller. Ryan could hear coughing even as it staggered out of the smoke. It was the figure of a man in a long robe and pointed hat, clutching a staff. Its arms flapped as it gained its stride and headed after the monster.

"I'm sorry sir. You can't go this way." Ryan stepped instinctively in front of the figure.

"I can't, can't I?" The man's eyebrows disappeared up under the brim of his hat.

In the harsh glare of the lights Ryan could see an old face, but there was no frailty in the man's movements. Underneath those grey robes, Ryan could tell that there was strength and purpose. However Ryan could also hear the catch in the way the man breathed and had noticed the way he imperceptibly favoured his right leg. He was injured and tired, but probably damned if he was going to let it show.

"Let my men handle it, sir. It's what they're trained for."

"Hmmm..." The man rested on his staff and looked around the cavern at Ryan's team, who all stood in readiness. "Who are you?" he asked peering at Ryan.

Ryan was reminded, suddenly and forcibly, of Claudia's brother Nicky who he had met when visiting her family for Christmas. Bearing that in mind, and the sword-wielding beast that had just passed by, Ryan made an instant decision to proceed with extreme caution and a great deal of respect.

"Captain Ryan of her Majesty's Armed Forces." Ryan gazed the man in the eyes and saw flint grey gazing calmly back at him with the hint of a sparkle in their depths. The similarity to Nicky Brown at the height of his seasonal powers increased.

"You don't know what you are dealing with, Captain. You can't harm it," said the man gently.

Ryan crouched, dipping his fingers into a small dark patch he'd noticed on the cave floor. They came up dripping with a black substance. It smelled of smoke and iron but Ryan knew, instinctively, that it was blood.

"Looks like it may be susceptible to hot lead. Even if we can't put it down, we can sting it."

"Interesting," the man peered closely at his fingers.

"Who are you?" Ryan couldn't help but ask.

"I have many names, but in your tongue I think I would be called Gandalf the Grey."

Ryan nodded calmly. "And what was that thing?"

"A balrog of Moria."

"I've never heard the professor mention one of them," said Finn suddenly.

Ryan sighed. "That's because the professor has never heard of one of them."

In the bright arc lamps that lit up the cave he saw Finn frown in confusion.

"You don't come from this world exactly, do you?" Ryan asked, chasing a hunch rather than logic.

Gandalf regarded him thoughtfully and then the old man turned and looked at the anomaly once more. "I think you are correct. Our worlds touch each other but are not exactly one and the same, nor are they entirely separate."

Ryan and Gandalf gazed a the anomaly in silence for a heart beat until Lyle interrupted, "Well, whatever it was, it will be coming back this way soon. No point in haring off after it until you need to." 

Gandalf turned his sharp gaze upon the lieutenant. "Really and what makes you say that?"

"Landslip last spring, sir. That cavern comes to a dead end after half a mile. There's no way out except through here." Lyle chanced a grin. 

Ryan realised Lyle was right. "With due respect sir. I suggest you take a breather, and maybe have a cuppa. When it comes back you can help us herd it through that anomaly."

Gandalf's eyebrows shot up once more and Ryan had the same uncomfortable feeling he sometimes got when Major Preston had seen through a blatant attempt to manipulate him.

"A cuppa, eh?" said Gandalf. "Well I suppose I could manage that."

Ryan nodded imperceptibly at Fiver, who started a brew. Ditzy began to edge closer with an orange blanket in his hands. Ryan gave him a long hard look which Ditzy returned with change. Then Ryan shrugged. If Ditzy wanted to treat Gandalf for shock, he was welcome to try. Besides Ryan had no more wanted to get between Ditzy and a patient than he wanted to cross Gandalf the Grey. He turned his back and barked a couple of orders, getting Blade and Lacey to scout up the empty caverns. He wanted ample warning of the balrog's return.

"I am no frail invalid!" Gandalf's voice echoed around the cavern. Ryan turned back to see Ditzy backing away from the old man who was waving a mug of tea dangerously in the medic's direction.

"Fag?" interrupted Kermit hastily, thrusting a packet under Gandalf's nose.

"Does Cara know you've got those?" demanded Ditzy.

"Not if you don't tell her."

Gandalf calmed and he took a swig of the tea. He leaned closer to Kermit's cigarettes and sniffed at the packet. "Smells somewhat like pipe weed. Tell me, can this be smoked?"

"'Course!"

Kermit popped a fag in his mouth and then shot Ryan a questioning look.

"Go ahead, in the name of good relations."

Kermit grinned, fished a lighter out of another pocket, and lit up.

"Fascinating!"

Gandalf neatly palmed the tea off on Ditzy, took a cigarette and the lighter and lit up with one fluid movement. He drew in a deep breath and then exhaled slowly allowing smoke to drift out into the light of the lamps.

"Not a great vintage," he murmured.

"They're only Camel Lights," Kermit mumbled apologetically.

"Still remarkable, young man, still remarkable."

"Incoming!"

Blade came running full tilt out of the tunnel entrance, Lacey at his heels.

"Positions!" shouted Ryan. "Remember we want that thing back through the anomaly."

The soldiers fell back behind cover all over the cavern.

"What's your plan Captain?" Gandalf was suddenly at his elbow.

"My job ends when that thing goes back through that anomaly or dies. You tell me I can't kill it, so I'm getting it back through the anomaly."

"It could be incredibly dangerous."

"I'm a soldier, sir."

Gandalf nodded. "So I see."

The ground began to shake beneath their feet.

"It's coming sir. Best to take up position."

The balrog almost flowed around the corner of the tunnel. Flames still flickered along its sword and smoke wreathed in the air. Ryan's men kept down, hidden among the boulders and the rocks.

"Can you douse those lights? It will like them ill," said Gandalf.

"Lyle! Lights! Switch them off!" Ryan called.

The lamps flashed off, plunging them all into darkness. Their only light now was the anomaly and the flaming sword carried by the balrog as it stalked forwards, each footfall shaking the floor of the cave.

"Steady," murmured Gandalf and Ryan felt a sense of calm flowing through him.

He sighted along his gun at the vast creature. He saw when it turned aside, seeking a route around the shining anomaly. It was moving towards himself and Gandalf.

He stood up, firing a controlled burst into the creature's chest.

There was a roar and the head jerked upwards. Rocks fell from the ceiling, clattering around Ryan. The thing looked down again, swooping low, jaws open wide and eyes aflame. Ryan felt Gandalf's hand on his shoulder. He aimed for the eyes and his finger pulled gently on the trigger.

One eye vanished and Ryan felt the hot, black blood hit his face. There was a deafening screech. Ryan felt as if his feet were fixed to the ground in fear. The balrog had a hand clutched to its face.

"Captain!" Gandalf's voice was sharp in his ears, shaking him out of his paralysis.

"Lyle! Now!" Ryan called.

He heard an answering burst of fire to his left and the balrog stepped backwards, driven towards the anomaly.

"Now the moment is mine!" murmured Gandalf.

Before Ryan could spare a word, the old man had launched himself forward, seeming to grow in stature as he raced towards the staggering monster. His staff glowed with a pale light and, in his off-hand, he held a sword that shone ethereally against the glow of the anomaly.

The balrog turned and jumped high into the heart of the light. Gandalf paused, looking back towards Ryan.

"Farewell Captain. You have wounded a balrog. Few can claim that and it makes my task easier. But, more importantly, our meeting gives me hope for the times to come."

Then Gandalf leaped also, impossibly upwards, into the light of the anomaly and the thing collapsed around him, plunging the cavern, finally, into total darkness.


End file.
